you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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