Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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