You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
