its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
3pm strippers are depressing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
