If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
