Having a random hookup so left but love u
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
