And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
