she kept yelling 'call me bella'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
