What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
