You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
