Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
