she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
