I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
