I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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