in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
