he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
