I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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