Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
