saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
