Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
