Define "chronic" masturbator.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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