I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
