me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
