I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
