What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
