Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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