Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
