i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So vagazzling was a success
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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