He had one of those small greek statue penises
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
