last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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