is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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