I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
