ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
