i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
