people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
