I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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