Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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