I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
