Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
