dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
