I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
