My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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