I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
