I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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