I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
