I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
