Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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