I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
