I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
