But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
