If i could tip my vagina, i would.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
