the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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