like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
