U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this just has baby written all over it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
