I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
