Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
