Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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