Where is the hickey?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
