I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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