Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
