He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
