my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
