I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.