Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."

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  (614): If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers." http://tfl.nu/20g9
  Replies (6) Good night (1713) Bad night (571)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I knew I fell for you for a reason

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  (570): just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on (908): I knew I fell for you for a reason http://tfl.nu/lpgl
  Replies (17) Good night (3462) Bad night (1067)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Too many margaritas?

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  (405): Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog. (321): Too many margaritas? http://tfl.nu/18gt
  Replies (9) Good night (4102) Bad night (1001)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages

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  (815): I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages http://tfl.nu/m114
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (2201)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

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  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2802) Bad night (934)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life

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  (412): My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life http://tfl.nu/dsvt
  Replies (25) Good night (1773) Bad night (706)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.

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  (617): No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack. http://tfl.nu/ritq
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (1162)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....

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  (630): It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so.... http://tfl.nu/umr8
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (1131)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.

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  (503): Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon. http://tfl.nu/he7t
  Replies (2) Good night (451) Bad night (1477)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.

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  (618): His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark. http://tfl.nu/bjsg
  Replies (9) Good night (1185) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone

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  (847): It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone http://tfl.nu/1xod
  Replies (6) Good night (660) Bad night (960)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

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  (229): Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it .. http://tfl.nu/xli3
  Replies (11) Good night (2898) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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  (401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7
  Replies (8) Good night (568) Bad night (1607)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Did you drink ALL that 151??

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.

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  (843): Did you drink ALL that 151?? (1-843): No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable. http://tfl.nu/g9w3
  Replies (4) Good night (889) Bad night (287)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.

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  (702): I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now. http://tfl.nu/cei7
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (235)

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