How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night