I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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