never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.