I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
