And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
