I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
