how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
