dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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