I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
