She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
