a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
