Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She said her name was "party"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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