just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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