It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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