Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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