I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
