I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
