never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
This house was built for laser tag.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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