I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
