he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
