Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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